Lonliness
Drank some coffee today, after dinner, I was writing things, trying to make myself better, I was updating my site all day, enjoying the very first follower on Mastodon, but never felt so lonely at night, I've been doing this for sharing, attention, feedback. And I know exactly why. Whereas sometimes I feel nobody ever understands me, about my unique existence in this world, plus my unique experience of this. God let me went through something that nobody want to.
The joy is real, I can share my happiness easily across all social media platform, never mind if anyone like it or not. The pain is so real, but I can't share it to anyone I know.
Even my relationship with my best friend inevitably went to an end, like I said, the joy is so cheap, while the pain is so unique. The one I invested the most, still can't be the one I can share the most.
Tracing back past while passion fades, even yourself are no longer yourself, I've seen films lile Marriage Story or I Killed My Mother, same old shit, same old fading love, but still wasted time on it, perhaps we all enjoy the middle of it.
"Since I was born I started to decay" -- Placebo