My Personal Blog

It all started with a idea, I want to code a flag generator. I had a world map hanging on my bedroom, it stays with me for a long time. I can't recall but probably my mom bought me, I lost my memory of why, whether I had the idea or my mom did. All I can remember is we went to the bookstore next to our house, she found that map in a dark grey room and we checked that out bringing it home. Then this map kept sticking to the wall of our room until we moved our home not long before. I enjoyed seeing the map, I liked countries and places that I had never been to, perhaps I would never have chance for many of them. And flags, with different shapes. They are nations, also imagination. Things not close to you, or never exit, I liked them, especially as a child.
Now as an adult in my 20s, after learning some coding. The first thing I want to do is a fantasy map generator(which is too complex), then the random flag generator. So I did that, but it really triggered some of my memories, coz this project is all about art and the only art education I received is back while I was in elementary school.
Some examples:

Also at the start it just an idea of a serious flag design generator, while when adding more and more patterns and elements into, it just went wild like these ones, it feels more like a fantasy flag generator

Most importantly, when I tried to add stars to a flag, I mean it could be one or many of them, but things became a little bit childish, what I feel like at that time is I was a preschooler trying to finish my homework

Although I did rewrite my stars drawing function to let seriousness back(make stars in same size), it really dragged me into my childhood wasteland once again.

I don't know how to put this... I went through something that makes me mature so early, basically shaped me who I am today. Maybe I'll talk about it later when I'm ready, maybe never.

The only thing I draw was only 3 papers of art in 1st grade, about sky, birds and houses, in the same style I mentioned. After things happened to me, I became to grow up in a ultra fast speed, by force, then I started to judge myself, thinking of that 3 papers of art really 'childish', at that age. I didn't like the art class anymore for no reason (I didn't even know why I dislike it as a child, now I guess because art class is about showing one's personality and I just wanted to hide things). So I started not handling any of my homework, when other kids came to the teacher's desk showing their work, I just sat on my desk staring at blank pages. I had two art teachers, one was really good and kind, she taught us from 1st through 3rd grade, one day before recess she even came to my desk and asked me why I was not handling any single piece of homework, in a very soft and compassionate tune, which I can still remember, clearly I didn't know how to answer her so I just told her "I think it's too hard".

But it's not, while she was so kind, I felt guilt for her, I didn't mean that, I just want to hide everything as a stupid child. She even encouraged me of having a try, that was the thing that I remember. Even today when I recall these old days, it is one of these eternal beauty in a ugly world still comforts me.

The next teacher was not, she was hated by every classmate and needless to talk about, because she was hated by every classmates. Due to herself and her must-hand-in homework.